so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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