Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
