walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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