My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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