Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
