sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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