Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize