I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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