I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
