i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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