You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
