i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
