Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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