I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize