Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
