You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
