Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
