he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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