My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
