I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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