I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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