i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
