where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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