Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
