i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
