More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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