Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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