btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just tell him i said nine months
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
