On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
