Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
soo... how was my night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
