he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
