Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
