Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A bitchslap is in order.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
