so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize