quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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