I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Randomize
