just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
