my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
