this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What drink are we having for lunch?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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