i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
