Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
