You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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