I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
