you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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