So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
