the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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