dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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