He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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