I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
