I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
