Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
