They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
