loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
