I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
