i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
