it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
