I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think i got beer on your cat.
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