wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she looked like the before picture.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
