Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
