Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
