Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
