i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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