I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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