Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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