i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
