dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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