I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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