careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
